It happened Christmas morning.

It was her 19th Christmas, and Courtney Syfert had mastered her routine.

She’d wake up at 8 a.m.

Open presents.

Then spend the day happily with family in Johnstown.

But none of that happened.

She woke up, but she didn’t hear any noise downstairs. Her family didn’t open presents, and they didn’t spend the day happily in Johnstown.

Syfert heard the cries of her grandmother, Karen. She heard the haunting words of her mother, Laurie.

“Please God, let this not be real.”

Her sister, Jordan, was running around the house, trying to dissect what happened. Her younger brother, Austin, was dialing 9-1-1, but it was of no use.

The only person she didn’t hear was her father, Bryant.

Just 45 years old, he had died unexpectedly in his sleep. The cause, according to the autopsy, was a heart arrhythmia due to coronary artery disease.

“I honestly thought I was dreaming,” Syfert said. “I thought it was just a dream.”

But It wasn’t a dream.

***

Had Syfert stuck to her original plan when she arrived at Waynesburg, she wouldn’t have softball as a diversion. When she began her freshman year, Syfert intended to limit her athletic commitment to soccer, where she would become the starting goalkeeper.

About two weeks after softball practices had started, though, Syfert decided to take up a second sport for the Spring semester.

While she’s in the early stages of coping, the game has given Syfert a mechanism. Whether it be in practice or against another team, for at least a few hours every day Syfert generally isn’t thinking about the past three months.

She isn’t distracted by the circumstances, but more determined than ever with a new motivation.

“All I want to do is succeed and make him proud, because I know that’s what he’d want me to do,” she said. “So, I feel like this is probably my most focused season.”

When Syfert, the team’s centerfielder, is at the plate, she strives to be the catalyst for the offense as the Jackets’ leadoff hitter. When she’s on first base, she’s contemplating whether or not she can find an opportunity to add to her team-leading 14 stolen bases—which ranks third in the Presidents’ Athletic Conference.

For a few hours an afternoon, Courtney Syfert isn’t grieving, but rather trying to play a part in getting Waynesburg to the PAC tournament for the first time since 2011. Syfert’s .279 batting average is 21 points higher than where she finished last season, and in addition to stolen bases, Syfert is tied for the team lead in hits with 19, and runs scored with 12.

Syfert sees her decision to take up a second sport as a blessing. Without it, she said, she wouldn’t be able to control her grief.

“I honestly think I’d have multiple meltdowns every day,” she said. “I’d probably let my emotions build up and get the best of me.”

But there are times when even the distraction that the game brings can turn into a curse.

March 28, Syfert thought that the Jackets’ PAC opening doubleheader with Westminster would be postponed. When she found out that the game was on as scheduled, she called her mother. Then, she called her dad. For a few brief moments, she forgot that she could no longer hear his voice on the other line.

For people who haven’t experienced anything like what Syfert saw and heard that Christmas morning, it’s incomprehensible. For Syfert, it’s still difficult to process.

“You always hear stories about this, and people going ‘I can’t even imagine [what you’re going through],’” she said. “I always tell people ‘I’m going through it, and I still can’t even fathom.’ It’s crazy. You never know when it’s going to be your last day or the last time with them. You just have to take it one day at a time and live in the moment.”

 

***

With the Spring semester starting just three weeks after her father’s death, Syfert’s friends and family were uncertain if she could handle life as a student-athlete so soon.

“‘You’re not going back to school, are you?’” she remembers multiple people questioning.

But she never considered taking a break. The reason was simple; it wouldn’t have been what her dad would have wanted.

Out of her three siblings—two older sisters and a younger brother—Syfert said she had the closest relationship with her father. As somebody with an athletic background—Bryant wrestled collegiately at Clarion, where he was teammates with future Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle—her father supported Syfert in all sports, going to every game he could to be there for his daughter.

Academically, he pushed Syfert, a now-sophomore, in her effort to graduate from college a year early with a degree in mathematics, and she still plans on completing that goal. Knowing that taking a break from school would hold her back from making her father proud both on the field and in the classroom, the decision was an easy one.

“My dad was so tough on us, and I knew that [staying in school] was what he would want me to do,” she said. “You have to come back to school. Life goes on. If you take a semester off, are you ever going to go back? I think coming back to school was probably the best thing for me.”

All throughout the rest of winter break, freshman outfielder Taylor McCall was right by Syfert’s side. She was at her house later Christmas Day, and despite living 30 minutes away, spent several nights sleeping on Syfert’s couch.

The two have been best friends since meeting each other at a high school dance when Syfert was a student at Richland High School and McCall at Somerset, and now are roommates. Like Syfert, McCall knew what he father would have wanted her to do.

“He would not want her to give up sports or transfer back home just because of him,” McCall said. “He would want her to be here, having fun with her friends, and just living her life as a college student. He would definitely want that.”

 

***

Each day evokes memories for Syfert. Some of the more obvious reminders, such as her dad’s birthday Feb. 6, have tested her strength. But others have been more subtle. Just nine days after the start of the Spring semester, Syfert took her seat and began her first class of the day. She pulled out a piece of paper to take her notes for the day’s lecture, and she wrote down the day’s date.

January 24, 2018.

It was almost a month to the day, and she broke down.

When Syfert was in Florida for the softball team’s spring trip, the sight of a stranger who resembled her father was enough to stir emotions. But not all reminders have been negative. For example, when Syfert and McCall go out to get ice cream, McCall always orders Cheesecake flavor—Syfert’s dad’s favorite.

When the team took its annual trip to Florida over Spring Break to open the season, Syfert, like most of her teammates, was supposed to have her parents watching, supporting her as she began her sophomore season. With her father’s passing, and her mom having to stay back to take care of things at home, McCall was the closest thing to her parents that Syfert had for the week.

The first night of the trip was Syfert’s “bad night,” McCall said. The combination of her parents’ absence, as well as the long bus ride, was difficult for Syfert to handle. Despite an 11 p.m. curfew, Syfert and McCall took a walk—with head coach Richele Hall’s blessing—down to the hotel pool at around 10:50 p.m.

They talked about a variety of things, ranging from Syfert’s loneliness due to her parents not making the trip to the team’s general exhaustion from the long bus ride. The talk wasn’t unlike the conversations that Syfert and McCall have late at night in their room.

While Syfert goes through her struggles, the two find time to talk about softer subjects, such as the two visiting the beach over summer vacation, sometimes staying up into the early hours of the morning, which didn’t happen during the Fall semester. While Syfert has her good and bad days, McCall said the good is starting to outweigh the bad.

“It [used to] go like she’d have a good week, then a bad week,” McCall said. “But now, she has a lot of good days, and then maybe two bad days in two weeks…I think time heals everything.

Although it’s been over three months since Christmas Day and the dream that she can never wake up from, Syfert is constantly reminded that her father is still here.

“He’s always just looking over me,” Syfert said. “If I’m having a bad week, I can just hear him, saying ‘Come on, get your crap together.’ I can just feel his presence.”